Alex's Very First Geek Rant

OK, after a hard day of...you know, eating breakfast and doing stuff... I retired to play some Halo 2 with a friend from back home. I'm not going to lie for the sake of modesty, me and Dr Dru (my geek buddy) are awesome. Shotgun surgeons, pistol pimps, sniper...insert s-word here...you get the idea. Anyway, during the course of our time spent meeting the geek quota for the day, we ran into some rapscallion cheaters, two sets of them, in fact. The first set may have deserved whatever mods they had on, since it was clear that they had muscular dystrophy and were playing with their feet. Dru and I managed to massacre them soundly. The second set had no excuse to be a-cheatin' as they quickly rocked us (Dru's butt is still sore).

What the hell? Why do people cheat on videogames. It's 'tarded, and let me explain why. Basically cheating-through whatever dastardly means you choose-in a video game makes you a poser-geek. How lame is that, folks? I'll tell you: the lamest of the lame, lameness that has settled to the bottom of the lame pool and is currently seeping into the aquifer of life, poisoning it with... well, lame. (Phew) If you want to be a part of the geek phenom, just join in, and do it properly. Let's just say that a nightclub tailored to people with pasty skin and a sack full of different sized dice would be far from exclusive. And, not surprisingly, the geek community (the thing I'm using the nightclub as a metaphor for, for those of you who didn't catch on) is not difficult to enter into. Trust me... I'm writing a rant about video games in my own blog after all. Now, maybe these cheating street-urchins don't want to be part of the geek arena and are just in it to mess with the geeks, high school style. In this particular case, then, they're spending something like $70 just to piss people off. This would, hypothetically, put them in a lameness bracket that i cannot even begin to imagine, and I'm a published poet.

So, in conclusion, if you're not good enough to play with the big boys (i.e. myself), just don't play with them. Oh, and don't cheat either, you poser-geeks. ALE.X out!