We work, we bleed, we eat, we sleep, the earth, the trees, we need to keep, observe, then breathe in deep, to speak these words.

This last weekend was E-Days at Mines... Maui Wow-E-Days, to be specific... and gay. Whoever was organizing this thing was an idiot, but oh well. Here's a rundown of the events:

Fireworks show - Thursday night originally, postponed until Friday. Absolutely amazing... especially since the guy lighting the ground explosions cought his leg on fire. Half sticks of dynamite going off in a football stadium are sexy, too.

Everclear concert - Friday following fireworks. Terrible live show + energy-less Mines crowd + 'giggity bitch' lead singer = sub par concert.

Mexico party - Sausage fest... as expected.

Comedians Daniel Tosh and some other guy - Hilarious. I love Daniel Tosh and the other guy was good too... "My mom's from Seattle and my dad's Catholic... so I like to fuck little boys in the rain?"

Swollen Members and Sweatshop Union concert - Sunday night. Not part of E-days, but easily the sweatiest event I've ever been to. Hosted at the Fox Theater in Boulder, this was seriously the best concert I've ever been to... except when Derek and I had to lift up a fat chick who was trying to crowd surf... my back hurts.

Mass and Energy Balances class - 8:00 a.m. Monday... plus a quiz... yay steam tables!

V-day, VP Shooting, Long-Winded Engineers, and an Earth Systems Test

Valentines day... I always cry on Valentines day. Not this one, though. How could anyone cry? Seriously, it's been less than 100 hours since Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year old man in the face. If that doesn't bring a smile to your face, I don't know what will.

Anyway, I haven't done one of those really bloggish blog entries lately (ever), so I thought I'd treat everybody to a nice dose of tedium. Here was my schedule for the day:

1. Impregnate no less than 4 women.
2. Wake up.
3. Fight Ninjas.
4. Shower.
5. Fight Ninjas in shower... naked.
6. Wrestle a hurricane to the ground.
7. Free Tibet
8. Release hurricane in Tibet.
9. Dictate blog entry to team of supermodels.
10. Eat a burrito.
11. Go to bed.

And for those of you still reading, here's the actual 11-step plan to a day in the life of Alex.

1. Wake up.
2. Talk to my buddy Celine.
3. Study ass off for Earth Systems exam.
4. Take Earth Systems exam.
5. Make a 1.5 hour conference call to the two most long-winded engineers ever.
6. Eat a burrito.
7. Discuss democratic development.
8. Come up with a better money-lending strategy than those used by the WTO and World Bank in 15 minutes.
9. Watch Carpenter's "The Thing" (best worst horror movie ever).
10. Watch Daily Show and Colbert report.
11. Go to bed.

And could somebody tell me how Earth Systems will help me in my career as a chemical engineer? Well, at least I know how to avoid the seven deadliest manifestations of an earthquake... Wait... Damnit! What was number 4?

Who has the time?

Not the real time... it's currently 21:59. I mean, who has the time to write "lame....... you never got any poon in yo life son...you have no idea do you lol" 27 times in the comments section of my last post? Somebody did. And that's the kind of action that'll keep America from going communist... or something. So to everybody who wants to waste a solid two minutes of their time in order to waste two seconds of mine: "Piss off!"

Just to be Trite...

People always say they want the proverbial "lady on the street but a freak in the bed." You know what? Screw that. I want a girl who's bat-shit insane with lust when we're together in public but turns into a complete prude when we end up alone. Here's how it might play out:

Alex: No, no, Sally. Could you please get your hand out of there? I'm sorry, I don't know what gets into her.

Sally: You look so hot tonight, Alex... I'm not wearing any underwear. Did you notice?

Alex: It's only three in the afternoon, Sally. And no I didn't noti - Oh, yeah, I see now. Honey, could you please pull your skirt back down?

Bank Employee: [clears throat] As you can see, option one provides you with more liquidity and -

Sally: Oh, speaking of liquid. Alex, I'm thirsty...

Alex: Then go get some - Oh my! Sally, not here.

Bank Employee: Do you two need to be alone? I could -

Alex: [zips back up] No, please. I'm sorry. We really need to get this out of the way this week.

Bank Employee: Alright... [glances at Sally]

Sally: [smiles back innocently]

Bank Employee: Option number two on the other hand would allow you to - My God!

Sally: Take me now!

Alex: Jesus, Sally! Please get down. I'm sure Mr... [looks around at nametag]... Peterson needs those papers for something.

Bank Employee: [standing] I have never... ahem... my desk... [shakes head in disbelief and leaves office]

Alex: Why do you always do this to us, Sally? [sits on desk beside Sally] Hmm... Do you think these walls are soundproof?

Sally: [putting shirt back on] I'm not sure what you mean.

Alex: You know... [does fist pump and winks]

SLAP!

-Scene-

Nice Voice, No-Voice

You know what I hate? Streptococcus bacteria - annoying little bastards. Well, I can't really blame the fact that my voice is comepletely gone of strep... since I'm not sure I'm actually sick. Whatever, though. Point is, the only way I can make myself heard is through the internet...which is sort of poetic... kind of... but mostly just lame.

Anyway, We're hoping to get the newly-revamped Volk Bouldering Club T-shirts out sometime within the next couple weeks. Here's the current design:

...Should be pretty bomb-ass, if I do say so myself. Oh, and to anyone who's taken advantage of me during my period of...not-talking-ness, trust me. I will not hesitate to kick you in the mouth.
Peace, lovers.

Poetry Corner: Revolution Unzipped: Voice of the Pantsless

I just realized that I never posted what is probably the best poem I've ever written. It's a foray into the many offenses against humanity that have been perpetrated by the iron-cuffed ruling class... pants. If you think you're not interested in reading poetry right now, then think again! Down your trousers and remember: "Prose before hos." So, without further ado, I present...

Revolution Unzipped: Voice of the Pantsless

I invoke your spirit, Thomas Paine,
for you once dealt with a crisis
similar to the plague we now face.
"Common Sense" released us
from the chafing grasp of a corrupt king,
saved us from the Redcoats.
But it will take divine knowledge
to break us from our current chains.

Friends, comrades, we are living
under the false pretenses
of a puppet government.
We are the last pocket of resistance
against a cruel and unjust ruler.
Too long have we been persecuted,
oppressed by pants, shackled by shorts.
We must struggle to escape
the verticle stripes of corduroys
the prison bars holding humanity.

The enemy is no longer stiff,
brittle as the metal pants of yore,
but dynamic, ever-changing.
Pantaloons become breeches,
trousers, acid wash jeans,
Hammer pants, and Bermuda shorts.

They have invaded every facet of life,
snow pants for the arctic climes,
waders for the aquatic. We must take up arms
against the seperation of knees,
seperate but equal. Battle for the peacable
assembly of thighs and our constitutional
right to bare legs. Free your families
from the captivity of Capris.

The two-legged bacteria have evolved,
diversified, even developed stain resistance.
But we still have the power, the freedom,
to press the pant menace from existance
before it rides up the ass of America.

-

Et voila. If anybody wants the poem read at some socialite party or congressional meeting, I'd be happy to read. If however I am unable to attend, I recommend Samuel L. Jackson as my understudy of sorts.

Catch-ya. I'm ghost like Swayze.

The Ferris Wheel

Right, well... here's installment number two of whatever it is I'm doing with this blog right now...

(Original Photo lifted shamelessly from Flickr)

Joey Two-Tone

Hmm... Time for me to do something creative... but not too creative. I know, I'll start adding text to other people's pictures to make them funny. Yeah! That's what I'll do.

(I'll give credit where credit is due... I suppose.
This photo was originally from This Guy on Flickr.)

Mines Goggles 2.0

Two days of skiing at Keystone and an updated blog... what else could a boy want?

Cake. That's what... but I digress.

Let me run through the list of updates for y'all.

First of all, you may have noticed the music that started playing when you loaded up Mines Goggles (Click the square if you want it to stop, the double arrow to go to the next song... if you don't know the drill by now, then screw you.). I've embedded a nice little flash media player in the Blogger bar that links to my Webjay playlist, so you have to listen to what I want you to. Currently, the playlist is as follows:

1. Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg - "Lazy Sunday" (A hilarious SNL rap about the
Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia)
2. Annoying Webjay ad
3. Calexico - "Guero Canelo" (A different version than I'd heard before, but free and legal)
4. Dangerdoom - "Benzie Box"
5. Fall Out Boy - "Dance, Dance" (We all know it and love it)

I suppose I'll try to switch it up once in a while, but it's tough to find and use good songs that aren't copyright-infringing.

Next, I'm trying to switch up the little quotes under the "Mines Goggles" title every now and then in a lame attempt to keep myself occupied (idle hands being the devil's playground and all...)

Finally and, coincidentally, at the bottom of the page is the Technorati... thing. You can now easily search through the content on my blog, view my Technorati profile, and see what sites link to mine (none right now...sad face). Perhaps most importantly is the pagerank (PR) icon at the very bottom. If it ever gets up past, say, 2, then I'm officially a geek. For the time being, though, I'm just an internet wastrel...which is good... I think.

Al.X out!

An Explanation

Earlier today, I was harangued by "D." "Cap'n Action" Grimm about my lack of posts since October and I thought my loyal viewers deserved an explanation (even you, homeless, Internet-cafe dwelling, greasy-haired, pirate-lookin' guy with shingles). It follows:

NOVEMBER IS A COMMUNIST!

That's right, people. November's a goddamn kitten humping pinko bastard. Just look at what November does to the trees:


I bet that tree wishes it was in China... poor misled sprite... It had such a shining democratic future ahead of it before it was taken in by November's communist ploys... promises of universal health care and social equity coursing through its now-vermillion* lifeblood.

Let this be a lesson to you, children. You may have to endure your share of hanging-chads, but eventually democracy will prevail. Jesus wanted it that way. And remember, a red heart is no good without the whites of your eyes to lead it and the blue of the sky to contain it.

*Vermillion is a fancy word for red, you uncultured swine.

Random Quotes

Here're some random quotes that've been floating around my mind lately that I thought I'd share with the collective Internet.

"Graphs are fun and learning!" - (Therodynamics homework conclusion)

"I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I'll have sex with you." - (No explanation)

"Nice shot, No-Shot."
"Eat cock, No-Cock." - (Beer Pong banter)

"You just got beat by a drunk guy!" (Mr Mustafalees in Halo)

"I can't believe that's not butter" (Dan, with reference to the chemical structure for margarine)

A New Addition

You may have noticed the beautiful Flickr.com "badge" over there on the right. I copy/pasted the code myself *shines imaginary apple on shirt*. Anyway, it showcases and links to my Flickr photos... which should be multiplying slowly. That's all for now. Peace.

Tech Geeking

I think it's time to take this blog in a slightly geekier direction... the way it was supposed to go originally. Lately I've been relapsing into geek mode more and more. I suppose it's due to the lack of available social entertainment here at Mines. Whatever.

Before I get my nerd on, I'd like to announce the current Sausage Factory standings:
Game 1: S.F. vs Fighting Owls - Win, 18-5
Game 2: S.F. vs Death Squad - Loss, 10-14
Game 3: S.F. vs FCA - Win, 11-6 (or something of the sort)
Game 4: S.F. vs Shadow - (forecasted) Win 15-7
Game 5 S.F. vs Sigma Nu A - (forecasted) Win 9-8

I'm just guessing we'll win the next two games... the Sig. Nu game should be a thriller, eh? I'll keep you loyal fans posted.

Anyway, here's the list of what's keeping my geek quotient up lately:

-First of all, after a month or so break, I'm back on the Halo 2 scene... still kicking ass and taking names (currently a lvl 27 in Team Slayer, thank you), though Mr Mustafalees seems to be significantly better and Dr Dru seems to have gotten a lot worse. This online game thing does seem to be a decent way to keep in touch with old friends and a good way to waste time with new ones.

-Trillian's automation functions. Along with a plugin I got from ceruleanstudios.com, there's actually a fair amount of stuff that can be accomplished to make Trillian smoother and more personalized. Nice mousegesture/hotkey commands are giving my computer that edge they were missing. And the ability to play sounds for any imagineable trigger is nice as well...

-"I keep hearing this loop of mus-Oh, god, playing around with Audacity. Jesus." Those are WuTang's thoughts on my newly discovered (and free) music editing program. I used this to clear some fuzz from live jazz recordings, cut stupid silences and lame track extending bullshit from otherwise good songs, and to amplify some overly quiet songs I had in the library. Mostly, though, I've been cutting small clips from songs to combine with Trillian's automation. Now whenever Erik signs in, I hear the riff from "Feel Good Inc," when Dan signs in, the Ghetto Boys yell "Die mother fuckers, die motherfuckers, still," and when anybody says "midget" in an IM, a clip from Benefit's "If I Owned a Midget" melts from my system.

-Finally, Flickr. If anything has a chance of filling the void left after my disillusionment of Facebook caused by CERTAIN events (D, you know what I'm talking about), it's Flickr, newly purchased by Yahoo. A sort of photoblog community, I think it should keep me busy for weeks... or until my free hosting limit runs out for the month.

Volk Bouldering Club

Well, well, another exciting Friday night at Mines. The Sausage Factory (Shirts Coming Soon - Order Yours Today) had a stunning victory last evening: 17-4 versus the Fighting Owls. Perhaps more importantly, the Volk Bouldering Club had its second meeting. Note the picture.

As with the Sausage Factory, T-shirts are on the way. Here's the currently proposed logo.


Sweet. Peace.

The Humble Abode

Here're a few pictures of the ritzy apartment I'm currently staying in with WuTang and D. The first one is the living room, the second is my room. They're a little dark... speaking to both my skill as a photographer and my laziness. Note the Frisbees above the window.


And the door's always open... more or less, so check us out.

WTFuck, Mines?

No, really, what the fuck? So Mines is supposed to be a geek school and whatnot. We have a top of the line campus computing center filled gratuitiously with geeks. Somehow, even with their hard work the Mines network manages to suck. I'm typing right now knowing I have approximately five minutes before the DHCP (whatever) server gives another computer my IP address and I get kicked out. Damnit. I went ot he center where a helpful consultant managed to configure my laptop for the wireless network... the campus wide one that doesn't cover the whole campus... most importantly Mines Park... where my laptop is 99% of the time. Thanks a bunch. We'll see if this even gets published, I guess. Damn. Weird part is everything that could possibly be the problem with my wired connection works in a seperate context... so there's no way to pinpoint what's wrong. Fuck technology. *Answers cell phone, turns up stereo, grabs coke from refrigerator, uses guillotine to behead infidel*

AL.X OUT

What is going on?

Well, there's something weird going on around Mines Park tonight. Earlier tonight, Logan and I found ourselves covered in some sort of blotch action (I think that's the Colorado medical term for it... that and "HOLY SHIT"). It was especially bad on me, as I had an enormous dark spot on my forehead. I looked like a battered child. And not those battered children you see on TV. I'm talking PROFESSIONALLY battered. Anyway, Wutang proposed the plague as a solution to this mystery, but seeing as to how the spots washed off with off-brand soap (It's commonplace knowledge that most plagues only come off with Irish Spring), it's more likely that there's an invisible octopus inking people. My advice: If you're going outside in the Mines Park area around dusk, wear a damn poncho and keep your ears open.

Sausage Factory

Well, well, well, it looks like the Sausage Factory Intramural Ultimate Frisbee Team (formerly the Weaver Towers Sausage Factory Intramural Ultimate Frisbee Team) is up to a good start thanks to the leadership of one Derek Grimm. Here's the proposed logo for the year:
Rockin'? Yeah, I think so. Anyway, practices should start soonish to anybody who cares... if the weather turns nice and this damnable Colorado wind dies down... God willing. So, if anybody knows God personally, could you talk to him about that? That'd be great. Ciao, people.

Thursdays with Alex

That's right, it's Thursday, which means no classes for Alex. Hopefully, I'll be able to use this time to ski later on, but, since there's no snow it's frisbee day. Two games of folf played so far: Alex win, win; Sean 1 down, 1 down; L-Dub 3 down, 5 down. To be fair, though, the disc situation was a bit sketchy. I'm hoping for at least 3 games of ultimate later today. We'll see. Anyway, I'm off to get boned at the bookstore... my butt still hurts from last time.

Back to the Mines

Well the time has finally come. I start classes on Wednesday here at the Colorado School of Mines. I'll throw down some statistics for anybody who cares here.

Official 2004-'05 Bro/Ho Ratio - 4/1
Actual 2004-'05 Bro/Ho Ratio - 2π/1 (That's right. Eat it.)
Official 2005-'06 Bro/Ho Ratio (Freshman class only) - 4.5/1
Actual 2005-'06 Bro/Ho Ratio - Depressing
Average Date Auction cost of a woman at Mines - $50
Average Date Auction cost of a man at Mines - $3.75 (supply and demand, bitches)
New girls on the Sausage Factory frisbee team - 1
Alex's credit hours last semester - 20
This semester - 16
Current point score - 2 (D knows)
Ghetto factor at the W-Towers last year - Da-amn, bee-yi-yotch!
Ghetto factor at Mines Park now - Fresh Prince of Bel-air
Time spent playing videogames so far - 7 minutes
Number of man-stains on the new couch - 0
Average cost of reupholstering a couch - $120
Cost of books (without Thermo or McBrizzle books) - $566.94
Cost of text books' weight in silver - $435.73
Number of ladies who have sat in my comfy chair - 1
Dudes - 6
Midgets - 0
Holes on the MP Frisbee golf course - 9
Par - like... 8
Cost of a a broken window - $400
50 meals at Mines - $250
75 meals at Mines - $1000 (must be some advanced calculus going on down at the cafeteria)

Well, that's all for now. Don't feel too bad for me... I'll make the fat bank if I ever do get out of this place. I'm sure I can scrounge up some good new statistics later on. Al-X OUT!