Poetry Corner: Revolution Unzipped: Voice of the Pantsless

I just realized that I never posted what is probably the best poem I've ever written. It's a foray into the many offenses against humanity that have been perpetrated by the iron-cuffed ruling class... pants. If you think you're not interested in reading poetry right now, then think again! Down your trousers and remember: "Prose before hos." So, without further ado, I present...

Revolution Unzipped: Voice of the Pantsless

I invoke your spirit, Thomas Paine,
for you once dealt with a crisis
similar to the plague we now face.
"Common Sense" released us
from the chafing grasp of a corrupt king,
saved us from the Redcoats.
But it will take divine knowledge
to break us from our current chains.

Friends, comrades, we are living
under the false pretenses
of a puppet government.
We are the last pocket of resistance
against a cruel and unjust ruler.
Too long have we been persecuted,
oppressed by pants, shackled by shorts.
We must struggle to escape
the verticle stripes of corduroys
the prison bars holding humanity.

The enemy is no longer stiff,
brittle as the metal pants of yore,
but dynamic, ever-changing.
Pantaloons become breeches,
trousers, acid wash jeans,
Hammer pants, and Bermuda shorts.

They have invaded every facet of life,
snow pants for the arctic climes,
waders for the aquatic. We must take up arms
against the seperation of knees,
seperate but equal. Battle for the peacable
assembly of thighs and our constitutional
right to bare legs. Free your families
from the captivity of Capris.

The two-legged bacteria have evolved,
diversified, even developed stain resistance.
But we still have the power, the freedom,
to press the pant menace from existance
before it rides up the ass of America.

-

Et voila. If anybody wants the poem read at some socialite party or congressional meeting, I'd be happy to read. If however I am unable to attend, I recommend Samuel L. Jackson as my understudy of sorts.

Catch-ya. I'm ghost like Swayze.