Quick Note: On The Use of a Phrase

It occurred to me today that there's no point in ever using the phrase...

"you'll be the first one to know"

...because, almost invariably the party being informed will, in fact, not be the first to know. The party making the offer of post-discovery information sharing will be the first with access to whatever new-found knowledge comes about. Often, the informed party is twice or even three times removed from the actual source of information. You're promising first hand knowledge to somebody when your true intentions are to give them tired, watered-down old news. Anybody who's read any Plato or played a game of Telephone knows this to be a bad thing with possibly disastrous consequences. To hell with common usage. I'm extricating this phrase from my speech starting today. For those of you who would like to join the revolution, here are some possible replacements:

"You'll be the second (third, fourth, seventy-fifth... be truthful, damnit!) to know."

"I'll let you know when I do."

"As soon as I know and then tell you, then you'll know too."

or,

"I told you already, Ma, we're not keeping it even if it is a boy."

I hope this has been as informative and fun for you as it was for me. Thank you for your time and support.