Prices Higher in HI and AK

I was just watching television and stumbled across a Burger King ad featuring the Jr. Whopper (not to be mistaken for the Worden's Whoppa of Missoula, Montana deli fame) which is a staple of the BK dollar menu. In any case, on the little splash screen at commercial's end, I noticed, written in only the tiniest of letters, "Prices Higher in HI and AK."

I would just like to take this opportunity to apologize on the behalf of Burger King to the residents of Hawaii and Alaska. Without the two of you, the rest of us wouldn't be the 'lower 48.' We'd just be... 'the 48,' which sounds kind of lame to me... I suppose this is mostly thanks to Alaska, as Hawaii isn't really above so much as to the West, but I'm digressing.

Now, I'm not apologizing for the actual fact that the Whopper Jr. is more costly to the residents of these disconnected, far-away states. If you've ever tried to drive a truck full of hamburger meat past a gang of wily polar bears, you'd understand. No, I'm apologizing for the way in which the information was presented to you. Now, usually we don't bother to tell you two things like this. Mostly, we hope you'll figure it out on your own. (Hawaii, Nebraska wasn't hitting on you when he licked his teeth and winked at you. You've had spinach in your teeth for like the entire night.) But this time, you deserved a head's up. And it was given, but poorly. The extra 17 cents tacked onto your Whopper Jr.'s called for a at least a 32 point font, not the measly 8 points you received. We won't be sending out any reparations, as you both have a wealth of seals, which we feel makes up for any shortcomings on our part. Still, I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies.

Yours always,
Alex