Just to be Trite...

People always say they want the proverbial "lady on the street but a freak in the bed." You know what? Screw that. I want a girl who's bat-shit insane with lust when we're together in public but turns into a complete prude when we end up alone. Here's how it might play out:

Alex: No, no, Sally. Could you please get your hand out of there? I'm sorry, I don't know what gets into her.

Sally: You look so hot tonight, Alex... I'm not wearing any underwear. Did you notice?

Alex: It's only three in the afternoon, Sally. And no I didn't noti - Oh, yeah, I see now. Honey, could you please pull your skirt back down?

Bank Employee: [clears throat] As you can see, option one provides you with more liquidity and -

Sally: Oh, speaking of liquid. Alex, I'm thirsty...

Alex: Then go get some - Oh my! Sally, not here.

Bank Employee: Do you two need to be alone? I could -

Alex: [zips back up] No, please. I'm sorry. We really need to get this out of the way this week.

Bank Employee: Alright... [glances at Sally]

Sally: [smiles back innocently]

Bank Employee: Option number two on the other hand would allow you to - My God!

Sally: Take me now!

Alex: Jesus, Sally! Please get down. I'm sure Mr... [looks around at nametag]... Peterson needs those papers for something.

Bank Employee: [standing] I have never... ahem... my desk... [shakes head in disbelief and leaves office]

Alex: Why do you always do this to us, Sally? [sits on desk beside Sally] Hmm... Do you think these walls are soundproof?

Sally: [putting shirt back on] I'm not sure what you mean.

Alex: You know... [does fist pump and winks]

SLAP!

-Scene-

Nice Voice, No-Voice

You know what I hate? Streptococcus bacteria - annoying little bastards. Well, I can't really blame the fact that my voice is comepletely gone of strep... since I'm not sure I'm actually sick. Whatever, though. Point is, the only way I can make myself heard is through the internet...which is sort of poetic... kind of... but mostly just lame.

Anyway, We're hoping to get the newly-revamped Volk Bouldering Club T-shirts out sometime within the next couple weeks. Here's the current design:

...Should be pretty bomb-ass, if I do say so myself. Oh, and to anyone who's taken advantage of me during my period of...not-talking-ness, trust me. I will not hesitate to kick you in the mouth.
Peace, lovers.